Transgender Couples Therapists Are ALL The Rage If You Are Heterosexual, Lesbian or Gay
This article is about the benefit of utilizing Transgender Councilors to gain insight into the opposite gender or just the polarized binary relationship in general (as well as others) that will provide you valuable information and bring you to new heights of understanding that you simply could not have access to any other way. Those that are Transgender that have transitioned to the opposite gender than they were born as, are on adequate hormone therapy and had surgeries that are living the life as the gender they identify with have led essentially two completely opposite lives. They have insight into both genders and even the in-between nonexclusive identities and behaviors simply by being in contact with them and in some cases, having transitioned through one of them before being transgender and completing the transition from one gender to another. In my case, I tried on the non-binary label before I transitioned full on. So please take no offense at the article itself. It is meant to educate everyone as to the benefit of utilizing Transgender therapists and counselors for family and relationship support, marriage counseling, and for relationships like lesbian or gay relationships where one of their partners suddenly decides to transition, can put a HUGE strain on both parties. Sadly most don’t make it and end up parting ways, divorcing, and more. Try to read it with an open mind and pay heed to the context.
Remember the cancel culture? If someone is offended they just cancel you?
We cannot cancel gender just because it may be offensive. It isn’t gender that is the problem. It is the societally assigned roles and expectations about what gender is, that is the problem. Just like there is nothing wrong with anyone in the LGBTQ+ communities. All that is wrong is that there are humans that think it’s wrong.
That being said — I hope that you now see that I am very pragmatic and seek to expand minds — not offend them. Having said that —
No amount of wishing is going to change the fact that there are actual binary people. I am referring to those that were and are actually born and actually identify as heterosexual, or CIS (which means born on this side), both mentally and sexually. Trying to erase or cancel binary is just not fair and equitable. It exists. The best thing for all of us would be to understand or at least accept one another don’t you think? That is where all things LGBTQ+ come into play in the world, as well as other minority groups. They teach DIVERSITY. And, as an aside, the medical community is learning a ton about hormones, and that benefits everyone. All that said — let’s continue.
I can’t tell you how many heterosexual people have been fascinated with my insights into heterosexual relationship and sexual dynamics since transitioning from female to male while also being in a trans relationship with a male to female partner. They gain new understandings that go a long way in repairing and understanding one another — so much so that a new kind of bond takes place. The kind that should have always been but has been lost due to competitive and toxic programming over centuries. Opposite genders have lost respect for one another, but even more importantly they don’t trust one another either. Not necessarily because they have done anything wrong. Sometimes it is just because of the gender you appear to be or the kind of energy you are emitting.
As with any other culture, the lgbtq+ communities are not all equal, and like all humans, their members aren’t either. Valid, yes, but not equal and certainly not alike.
Finding a therapist should be inclusive of your own culture, color, or community, but you should also concern yourself with background, life experience, personality, integrity, and more.
Do yourself a favor and take the time to ask questions beforehand. Just because they may have a title after their name does not mean your questions are not welcome. In other words, just because someone is Trans is no reason to choose them to handle all things Trans, though they may be qualified for some of those things — and may well suit you — you will need to ask questions to know for sure. I will get into some other qualifiers as well further on. All that said —
YES! Transgender Individuals CAN make excellent CIS COUPLES therapists for heterosexuals in particular where it pertains to the opposite sexes understanding one another in a way that couldn’t possibly without wearing the other’s skin. They are also excellent as a therapist overall where it pertains to understanding diversity in its many and varied ways you could only understand if you lived them.
Yes, they are very instrumental when it comes to each person in couples therapy understanding their partners better. We naturally understand transgender individuals as well. When I say transgender —I am NOT using it as a loose umbrella term, I am referring to those that have actually transitioned to and are living as the opposite gender they were born as, with or without surgeries. Though the surgeries go a very long way into understanding the binary much more thoroughly than they might otherwise — especially where it pertains to the intimate aspects of a relationship.
I for example have had all of the surgeries, and no longer have any female anatomy. I live and identify as a straight transgender male. Meaning I like women. I lived the bulk of my life as a Lesbian ( in my case a man trapped in a female body), and I once married because I was in denial of that in order to be accepted. Now I live as a male in a male body (for the most part)and am no longer married and when I am it will be with my beautiful MTF partner. But enough about me.
It’s a PLUS if the therapist not only identifies as trans but also has a partner that is trans that either is or has transitioned to and living as the opposite gender. You can see why this would be important when it pertains to couples where one or both partners are transitioning and all the hardships and challenges that infers. You can also see how this would benefit CIS or Heterosexuals as well, because of the incredible new insights that are gained when two people have transitioned together and live life together. That is the case with me — and how fortunate I am to have the beautiful experience of it with my own partner.
To put it more clearly and simply — My partner lived most of her life TRYING to be the male their body was born as. I spent the bulk of my life TRYING to live as the female my body was born as. We both experienced the life of the gender the world saw us as. In every aspect.
Now we are living as the gender we have always felt we were, in bodies that closely resemble that so much so that no one would be the wiser unless we told them about ourselves.
If a transgender person has matured and if they have identified as one gender while living another until they are at least in their late 40’s early 50’s and IF they have adequate hormone levels for whatever sex it is that they are identifying as then YES — they will be a very effective therapist for all ages.
When it pertains to hormones, they govern literally 90 percent of what we are, who we think we are, why we do what we do the way we do, and how we got to be the way we are. I say they will be highly effective as a heterosexual couples therapist IF they have adequate hormone levels. If they do not have enough of the hormones they are using to transition to the opposite gender they were born as, they WILL NOT have had or experienced the:
changes enough to fully grasp the broader aspects of each gender. And no — this is not open for discussion. It is a fact, no matter how offended any reader may feel by the statement. Live it first and THEN you can argue the point. Until then — I have and am living it. I would say that experience trumps opinion in this case, wouldn’t you? So if you can open your mind — you might find this information interesting and even fascinating. Especially if you are CIS OR Heterosexual. You might also be interested if you have a family member who wants to or is or has transitioned as you will understand them a bit better and perhaps even glean a bit of helpful information from them for your own relationship challenges… depending on the extent and duration of their transition of course.
By the way, none of this is hearsay or just my opinion. It is all backed by science in peer-reviewed journals and articles. I am not going to cite them all because it is labor-intensive (I don’t get paid anything resembling a wage for all this its just enough to cover ONE coffee every month) and doesn’t seem to do a thing to convince my audience whereas they are more convinced when they do their own research based on their own pointed queries. I have other articles you can read in my transgender series if you are interested here on medium. Just click my picture and all of the articles will come up.
If you are still in doubt, look me up on FB and direct message me. I am more than happy to have a free session with you to determine if we are a good fit or not.
My roots extend into ancient Cherokee culture. Our people called those that we call transgender — Two-Spirit. Indicating that we are a balance of both masculine and feminine energies. We were honored by our people and utilized to assist others to gain an understanding of one another in ways that can’t always be known without special insight and knowledge that comes from living as each gender independently of the other for some duration as each. We were not made to do things that went against our nature. Instead, we were utilized to assist with insights where nature left off for those that are naturally binary and can’t understand one another’s innate and inherent differences without assistance. Here is what I mean by that….
When trying to fit in and live as a woman (and I did not look butch male at the time), I experienced the toxic masculinity that both men and women aren’t even aware they are exhibiting most of the time. I experienced the masculine talk to me (as a lesbian, that they saw as one of the guys) about the feminine and divulging things to me they would not or could not tell their own partners or wives in order to gain insights they didn’t feel they could get from them.
I had my own idea’s about all that at the time toxic masculinity at the time. After transitioning? I have a whole new understanding of what I once thought. Everything I ever thought was taken to a whole new level. A birds-eye view if you will, only this time I am also the bird and the view.
I once thought men were just horn dogs and should contain and suppress their desires. That was because I didn’t understand the desires and why they are there nor the science behind them. I didn’t understand what they really wanted like I do now.
I once thought men were so entitled — until I experienced how MOST women control men, AND YES, even wound them. I experienced the fact that no one really cares how men feel, or what they think. And how often they feel like a bank rather than a human being. It isn’t that anyone is really wrong — it’s more like most people just don’t have the insights into how things got to be as they are and are not gender intelligent so to speak.
I experienced a lot of things that I could never have understood while still living in female form.
I once thought women were the misunderstood ones and that men had it made. I always felt that men just didn’t listen, and I never understood why they would run at the first sign of emotional upheaval or feelings that come up.I never understood why they couldn't relate. UNTIL NOW. Now I realize that both genders have their benefits and their drawbacks. The drawbacks, believe it or not, are felt in much the same way between genders. Look at it this way — a problem is a problem in the eyes of the beholder and regardless of what onlookers think, they are equal in intensity.
This is not to say that the way societal systems are set up do not need to change, but this article is not about that.
I now feel that women most definitely can be and often are a victim of their hormonal imbalances and yes, the menstrual cycle does affect them. It does. I’m sorry to have to inform you that it does make you emotional, anxious and depressed, and a whole host of things. That is how powerful hormones are. I hated it too when men would say oh what? are you having the monthly visitor again or are you PMSing? of course I hated it. And though I would not admit it, I knew that every month I was different and less balanced because of that cycle. If only men and society know that women need THAT WEEK to be with themselves only. That women were not meant to fulfill things in the same way as men even though they are capable of it — it doesn’t mean they should or even that they want to. Women are creatures with mystical and magical ways and visions. They are the visionaries. Men are the builders of those visions. How men and women build together differs and we would all do well to acknowledge how to make the most of each energy's strengths.
I can see so much farther than I once could.
Where I was once anxious, overly emotional, and unable to act under extreme duress — I now have no difficulty at all with any of those. Where things would have been a point of contention with myself and my female lesbian relationships- I am no longer thrown off and into chaos by the emotions and feelings of women but I do understand now much more about women than I did trying to live as one. Consequently, the waters are smoother, there is less drama and more peace. Not only for me but also for my partner. When you are on the outside of a thing after having been in it — you get a full spectrum view.
Unless you have lived and experienced the other gender (in mind, body, and life )— there are things that can forever remain a point of contention and misunderstanding. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could at least understand one another so much so that you form a great bond, even if you don’t agree entirely on everything? Even if you don’t have a ton of things in common?
Wouldn’t it be nice as a woman to know that your man understands what you need and why, and as a man wouldn’t it be nice if she understood what you need and why? This article also applies to any humans that are paired up as masculine and feminine no matter the bodysuit they come in.
Like it or not — we need the opposite things that the opposite energy gives to us. We also need things that are the same and complimentary.
For some, it is a necessity that as women they have strength from their masculine partner in ways they cannot get from anyone else. Intimately and otherwise. For some men, it is necessary that they get acceptance and understanding from their women in ways they cannot get from anyone else.
Every human is different, but there are some things that are consistently the same when it pertains to masculinity and femininity.
Both women and men have been raised in an energetically toxic way. Both abuse one another both consciously and unconsciously. Neither one see all of it. Both are wounded. Two people that are wounded, typically are too wounded to heal one another. That is when a third party is incredibly helpful.
When you can’t tell one another certain things because they just seem too embarrassing to voice on your own. Usually, this pertains to intimate needs and wishes and wants.
When you need a third party to intervene to keep the objectivity present, and when you need someone that you know has the insights into both of you as the gender you are no matter the lifestyle you choose to live in, picking someone familiar with diversity that has taken the journey and lived the experiences necessary to advise you? You can’t really go wrong with a Mature Two-Spirit. If you are needing someone to work with younger children, it may be that someone younger would be better suited.
The point here is that if you want steak, go to a steak house. In other words, don’t trust a traveler if they have never left their own front door. You might get a map of some kind, but it will be much harder to get to your destination and there is a chance you may never do so if you are wanting steak and you are in a sushi restaurant.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or DM me to chat. I’m human and just like you, together we can carve out some time to commune.
I am a certified CBT Therapist & Life Counselor, Author/Mentor/Speaker, and Founder of the upcoming course and FaceBook Group called A Piece Of Life — Isn’t it time you got yours?
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We are a piece of life, not the all of it. We are not God, nor are we the Universe. We are a mere piece of the whole…
I am also founder and Admin of these two groups here:
Non-Toxic FTM Transman Educational Group | Facebook
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